The Husbands' Club > Introduce Yourself
Well, to get us started, I'll share a few quick things.
I'm a writer and a stay-at-home dad. My wife Danielle is a lieutenant in the Navy. We have a 17-month-old son named Sean.
Let's see, I like to read and drink beer. Also coffee. I'm a fanatic when it comes to my coffee.
Thomas Litchford
Hi,
My wife Deb is a Lt Cmdr in the Navy in the Nurse Corps. We are facing TAD #2 since our twin girls were born in 2000!
I am a college professor and I enjoy reading and golfing.
Bryan B
Hi Bryan!
Thanks for coming along and helping us get started in the forum. Keep an eye on the site, and be sure to read the blog. You might also want to check out the links page for links to my blog and to John's.
It must be interesting having twins in the family. Danielle and I have one son. He's 17 months old. Danielle is on TAD, also right now.
So, what do you like to read? Maybe we should start a "Books" thread here on the forum. I'm a serious book nut.
Thomas Litchford
Hi all,
My name is John, I'm a Navy husband and stay-at-home dad to a crazy two-year-old. My wife is also a Navy LT, she worked with Tom's wife Danielle when they were both stationed at Newport, RI.
When I have free time -- or when I just don't feel like cleaning house -- I enjoy running and brewing beer. I'm also trying to learn guitar and trying to learn how this site works so I can help Tom create some useful content!
Pleasure to meet you, Bryan. What do you teach? Being a professor has always seemed like one of those non-portable careers that would be tough to pursue as a spouse.
John Avelis
Gentlemen
Was referred to y'all by a female spouse and like what I see so far. I am a Navy Spouse, married to a weather lady, two girls 4 and 6, stay at home Dad, home brewer (nothing currently fermenting!!), coffee addict and right now reading an account of the wars of 1812 (I am retired Royal Navy so interested in how you upstarts kicked our asses on Lake Erie).
I am involved with a great group called Blue Star Families and posted my first blog about the male perspective there recently, I am their finance and admin guy, gives my brain something other than Big Bird to keep it stimulated (coffee notwithstanding)
Scottishspouse
Hello!
I was refered here by a female spouse friend of the family.
I am a stay@home dad of two boys, 5 & 2.5 years old. One more boy is on the way -- due in early Sep. So, not much beer for me lately.
I am also a Navy Reservist LCDR having served 7 of my 12 years on active duty.
My wife is an active duty LCDR.
We are in the midst of our 3rd cross country PCS in 4 years... I heard a rumor that the moving budget was in trouble, but you know how those rumors are.
:-)
FYI, there are a few of us stay@home dads in the DC area, which I just left.
Another trivia bit, I was previously the president of the Officer Student Spouses Club at NPS Monterey... so it really was a SPOUSES club at some point.
:-)
Cheers!
JP
Dymaxion
Welcome Scottishspouse and JP!
John, I think we need a beer thread, or maybe a homebrew thread...
Thomas Litchford
wow...so maybe there are other navy husbands...as well the beer thread caught my attn. So did anyone else have the same prob as I did when my wife graduated from Great Mistakes, the lack of Navy Husband merchandise, I couldnt believe they had navy boyfriend and navy girlfriend but no navy husband, it took me two years of persistance and long hours of searching and finally one website heard me and started getting stuff in. Anyways Im not an officers husband, even more of a rarety, luckily she hasnt been deployed for a long time yet, as the ship is still undergoing trials. This seems like its an informative site and Ill keep checking for blog updates. Enjoy the day
Jason
Hello all. i just found this site and let me say thank you to the creator. genius idea. well im 26 married to an HM3. we have two girl, 3 and 2 years old. i work as a janitor at the hospital my wife works at. my free time is filled with xbox 360, learning guitar, and trying to get in shape. well i guess that covers an intro. good day all.
mis smith
Welcome Jason, and welcome mis smith!
And, yes, Jason, we too have noticed the lack of military husband merch. Back when we still had jobs in offices, we often threatened to buy "Proud Navy Wife" mugs for our desks. Alas, we never followed through.
milhusbands.com
lol, FYI my name is miC. not miS. (yes, im an idiot)
mic smith
Right on, mic. It's the Internets, we weren't going to judge :)
milhusbands.com
Hello all,
So happy to have found this site !!!!! I'm not the only one. Thank god! For the longest I thought I might be the only one in this cerious lifestyle. My wife is in the ARMY. We have two boys 7 & 8. My wife is National Guard, she also works full time for the guard. Needless to say we have no shortage of digi-cam in the house. I have taken on the none tradadtional roll while she was at basic training and all the time away from home.
Questions.
Does anyone have kids that are at the age of questioning what "mommy does and why is she gone & what is a deployment" How have you handled that. Life is a little easyer when they are young and you can sweep it under the carpet?
Does anyone ever question there ego? Is it just me? Does anyone else find it hard to see your wife surounded by "real men" why you are worried if the roast is over cooked?
Do any of you want to ask your wifes to leave there jobs? Even though you know they would never. Is it just me or can you make a living in this world without going to war or carring a wepon?
I hope I'm not intrusive with all these questions. It's just I've waited for ever to find somone in my shoes and there arent many so I thought I would unlaod.
Sorry about the spelling.
Jared
Hey Jared,
Welcome to the forums. I can't answer your first question. My son is a toddler, so he hasn't started asking questions yet. He's just happy to see his mom on Skype now and then.
As for ego, I've been there. I think most people reading this forum have experienced some self-consciousness about their position in the household at one time or another. You have to ask yourself what it really means to be a "real man." Does it mean running a six-minute mile? Being able to do fifty pushups? Do you have to be qualified on an M-16?
Being a man is about taking care of your family. It's about making sure your wife and children are secure knowing you're there for them. Even though your wife is in the Guard, she still wants to feel safe, and that's your job.
And cooking a roast is a very manly thing to do :)
I've never felt like asking Danielle to get out of the Navy. Partly that's because I want it to be her decision, and partly because I've adjusted to the military life. We know we can make it work after these last seven years. There are other ways to make a living, and it's tempting to assume they'd be easier to deal with, but to find a job with the same benefits and security that you get through the military would be hard. Equivalent civilian jobs would still require super long hours, lots of travel, and lots of stress.
I sound like an evangelical for the military, right now, but those are my thoughts.
Thanks for the questions, and make sure you stick around the forums. This is what they're here for.
I'd love to read other guys' thoughts on these subjects, too, so chime in.
Thomas Litchford
Hi, I've been dating a girl for about 4 months who is in the military. She recently found out that she is to be deployed to a combat zone for 6 months in the near future.
I was in the military many years ago, so I understand how important care packages from home are to morale. But that was long before the days of email. Any advice on what a modern military girl appreciates in her care packages?
1) I remember I was all about the food and letters back then, but I'm not sure that's the kind of things she'd like.
2) She mentioned that a snailmail letter now and then would be nice (in addition to regular email) as well as a cards. But in this day of email and Google Talk, how often do you write actual paper letters and send cards?
3) Back in the day, when my father was in the Vietnam, my mother use to send him Playboys. I assume so he could satisfy any urge he might have without looking around at the local girls. My gf likes NC-17 romance novels, which I assume would be the equivalent of my mom sending my dad a playboy. Is that kind of thing appreciated? What kind of things can you do to keep up intimacy even though you can physically be together?
4) Any other ideas on how to keep a girl's morale up while she's deployed?
Brad
I went to my wife for help on this one, and I'm glad I did, because I apparently am not a great care package-sender.
She says yes to snail mail. Often. Like every week. There's nothing worse than not getting anything during mail call, so send at least a funny card on a very regular basis. Getting a physical piece of mail is completely different from email and video chat.
Also, depending on where your girlfriend is headed (will she be on a ship or on the ground?), she had some other ideas for care packages. Individually packaged snacks are great. She probably can't get them where she is. And she can share them. Also, individually wrapped hand wipes, especially if she's going to be in Iraq or Afghanistan. They come in very handy at meal times.
Other little things you can send are simple things like pens, stickers, cheap handheld games and other such trinkets that can just change the mood for a short while ("silly things," my wife says, "like from the dollar store"). And yes to the romance novels. She also said they always liked getting gossip magazines like Us Weekly, because they don't usually hear about that kind of pop culture fun.
Great topic. Might move this one to its own thread.
Thomas Litchford
OK...well, I found this site while just cruising the Google.
I'm an ARMY husband, my wife is just finishing BCT, and is going straight to OCS from there...then AIT from there, so I'm not sure how long she's going to be in training, or where, etc...until she gets some kind of MOS.
Here's my deal. I am (or more appropriately... WAS) a falconer, when my wife joined the Army to be an officer. I was supposed to work through the season, going to see her upon graduations, etc, as my contract was due to end about when she was due to graduate from OCS.
Well, I got laid off. So I'm just hanging in Florida with family...waiting. I've been reluctant to take on a full time job, because I don't want to quit when she gets her permanent orders. I mean, I could work until that point, but I also don't want to miss her graduations, or any furlows she may get while in OCS.
So I'm just hanging out (actually working pretty hard for my father while here in Florida..on his HOUSE...LOL) writing a book, getting some training in Security (I'm a former cop too), and basically doing a whole lot of nothing.
I was thinking of trying to get a part time job up at her OCS location to be there in case she gets furlows, but I'm not sure if I CAN get something, and don't want to take the expense without some kind of guarantee of work. I'm not even sure if this is a good idea or not.
I guess I'm also here to try and find some advise on what to do. I've spent WAY too much money on training, and of course, I can't (or won't) take a full time job, does not seem that anyone wants to hire part-timers. Would you pack it in and follow her around?
Cheers
Mark
Mark Westman
Hello all,
I found this site while looking at other OCS info pages. My wife is going to be leaving for OCS sometime after the beginning of the new year.
One of the main things I'm curious about is what is the first 1 year or 2 like as a spouse for a SWO (NAVY). From what she has told me it's a pretty hectic first couple years earning her SWO pin. Just curious if there are any husbands of SWO's out there and what their experience was like.
As for me I am a Army Veteran adjusting to being on the other side of the fence so to speak lol. An I'll have my hands full for school while she is away at OCS and then training for her SWO.
I just want to say thank you for getting this site started. I was noticing a large portion of spouses' help seems to be geared more to the female gender.
Thanks,
Jesse
Jesse
Good morning Jesse. Sorry it's taken a few days for someone to reply to your post--holiday weekend and all.
Your experience will be very similar, I think, to what Danielle and I did when she was first commissioned. She did ROTC in college, and then we moved to Newport for SWOS. Back then, SWOS for newly commissioned officers was a six-month program. Now it's only six weeks, and your wife will do the training after she reports to her first ship.
Newport is a great town, BTW. If you get a chance to visit you wife while she's here, I highly recommend it. We're stationed here, now, but we're moving in February, and we're going to miss it.
As for the first couple years of SWOdom, yeah, they are a little intense. It will depend a little bit on the ship your wife goes to, the job she's assigned, and (especially) the captain. She'll be learning how to interact with the crew and manage her division. She'll have to figure out how to convince her sailors that she's not just a clueless "90-day wonder"--a newly commissioned OCS grad :) Pretty much all newly commissioned ensigns have to work to earn the respect of the sailors.
There's also a good bit of competition amongst the junior officers on the ship, but, mostly, it's an OK experience. We made friends on Danielle's first ship with whom we still keep in touch and try to see a few times a year. One thing I always tried to do (and still do) is attend the ship's social functions. Going to "hails and farewells" (when the wardroom welcomes new officers and says goodbye to those leaving for new posts) allowed me to get to know all the people Danielle worked with, and also gave me at least a basic understanding of Navy life.
I think the hardest part is getting used to the time apart. Her ship will likely get underway pretty regularly for training and whatnot, and those little week-long absences add up.
Those first few years are when new officers are figuring out if the Navy life is a good fit for them. The first ship assignment is probably the hardest.
Good luck, and let us know if you have any other questions. Obviously, there's a lot more to say on the topic than will easily fit into a forum posting.
Thomas Litchford
Welcome to the community!
Now, please say hello, and tell us a little about yourself.
Of course, please keep in mind OPSEC and PERSEC.